I was going to post last night, but it just wasn't happening. Kiki and Vincent came by for a quick visit and to help me move my desk. It's back in its rightful place now. Damn me for changing that which didn't need changed!! I feel the fung flowing once again.
Yesterday morning the girls came over for coffee and it was so nice to settle into a familar routine. It seems like it's been forever since we've sat and solved the world's troubles, all over a good cup of brew. G left us early to head up to the hospital to care for her little nephew (mom having some boob troubles) and Kiki and I made plans for later that afternoon. I had lunch with a friend of mine that had been gone all summer. Her husband took a remote post for the summer and they decided it was a good chance and change for them to get away as a family. They've been through a lot this past year and they finally seem to be on the upside of it. Or atleast the 'working partnership' side. They stuck it out and were rewarded. I think that's cool. We had a good visit, a bit strained, but that's not unreasonable considering that we haven't really spoken in 8 weeks except for a few emails here and there. But that's ok, it will all come in time. Later on Kiki and I wandered up to Walmart (The Portal) and spent less than we were expecting. You have to understand that I have NO, none, absolutley nada restraint when it comes to this large conglomerate. I'm an addict. And I have no shame in it. I know that I should shop at Zellers. I know that I should by-cot them because of their treatment of employees. I know. I know. I know. But I'm weak. And I don't care. My name is Ms. D and I have a problem. Anyways, once we got out of the pet section (Kiki lives at a zoo and requires Fat Cat Food, Retarded Cat (kitten) Food, and 6-month old puppy with giraffe-like legs food) and finished browsing the seasonal section (we're still students and suckers for cheap bookshelves), I ran into Deb. Now Deb and I haven't seen one another in atleast 9 years. She's between the age of my sister and I, so I would put her around 32-ish. We went to Christian school together. She was one of those stellar graduates that did it all right according to our sound baptist status - found her soul mate by grade 10, engaged shortly after graduation, proceeded one year of business college (usually for a secretarial position) and then married and pregnant within 2 years. A well oiled machine. And she looked the exact same as I remembered her - I knew her immediately. Same hair, same make-up, same headband, flower print top (complete with shoulder pads). And pregnant for the fourth time. Conversation went as follows:
Deb: "Hi Ms D!"
Me: "Hi Deb! How are you? Are these your boys?"
Deb: "the tallest one is - he's my six year old - getting ready to head back to school!"
Me: "yep, me too"
Deb: "you're still in school"
Me: *I smile and laugh because, really, this is a rhetorical question*
Deb: "any little ones? did you ever get married?"
Me: "Nope and nope" [I'm not sure if there should have been quite the amount of relief that
came through in my answer]
Deb: "Oh, don't you worry" [insert hand pat] "the right one will come along soon"
Me: *smiling whilst praying, please God, NOOOOOOO*
Deb: *weird laugh that's not really a laugh while her eyes dart around*
Me: *laughing at her being uncomfortable - not meanly, just laughing, reassuring her that I wasn't falling apart at the seams*
Deb: "are you happy?"
Me: *strange look* "Very, why?"
Deb: "Just wondering how you felt about being single"
Me: "I've never thought about it, but my first reaction is that my life is more than good"
Deb/Me: *ending pleasantries, conversation ends, actors fade out*
She had it all. Or so it seemed. She was definatley a product of 1992, but I'm sure that I have my moments there as well. But I couldn't shake the feeling that after we had talked that she went home and thought. A lot. Maybe it was about me, maybe it wasn't. But I got a distinct feeling that there was a bit of me in it. I wonder if she felt like she lost herself? I wonder if she felt she ever knew herself? I'm single with no kids and sometimes I wonder those things too. Did I lose myself? Did I ever know myself enough to lose what I knew?
"But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all men. He did not need man's testimony about man, for he knew what was in a man." John 2:24,25