It's a hat day because last night was, quite possibly, one of the weirdest nights in history. It kind of leaves you with that wide-eyed-not-really-sure-what-to-say-or-how-to-act "wooow". The kind that doesn't really have any distinct inflections, but the look on your face conveys it perfectly. You know, one of those kinds of nights. Now that I am remembering, it's becoming more of one of those 'low' hat days, where you pull the peak down to about the bridge of your nose. It probably started with the fact that LH and I were laying in bed this morning discussing last nights escapades until approx 9:08a. The time doesn't become elemental until I make note of the fact that I need to be at work at 9:30a. And it takes about 10 minutes to get there. Surprisingly enough, the sniff test on the clothes on my floor passed with flying colours. Yes, I am admitting that I have socks on that I probably wore 3 days ago. They're socks. Relax.
Anyways, back to last night. I'll be curious to see Kiki's rendition of the whole show. If nothing else, we had a really good giggle at the expense of a lot of drunk people. More particularly, one really drunk french catholic army buck. Again, it's a wooow kind of picture. Basically, he did everything that he could to woo Kiki - from pouring her wine, feeding her grapes, forcibly stuffing cheese up her nose and stabbing her cheezies with menacing looking toothepicks. Besides, of course, intermittedly trying desperately to hump her leg in between feedings. In case you have any question regarding his methods - IT WASN'T PRETTY. The majority of what he said last night was "I eem a franch catolick - I eem a gud boy. Vill ju two keess?" Don't forget that it was punctuated with the appropriate amount of spat flying from his franch catolick leeps. So there we all sat. And wow, what a mix. LH was officially hosting, but you couldn't just yell out "Lil HOMO!!" because there were a lot of other people that looked. We have a homo friendly home. The amount of pink shirts that were in one small area was impressive. In fact, we had to open up some windows to actually let some gay out.
And then there was the club.
Now this club is less than a block from our house. It's called the 20/20 club, but I think it would be better described as the 20+20 club because minimum age requirements state that you have to be atleast 40 and overtanned in ill fitting clothes. Preferably catering to those recently divorced and newly into the 'dating' scene. It is a world unto itself - along the same lines that I wouldn't normal state it's actual name, but it's kind of like my mom - it adds that foundational factor as to why things are the way they are. Kiki and I are from a small town and it is here that we see a lot of people from our said small town at an age in their lives where they reeeally shouldn't be dressing and acting like they do while they are out in public - no matter how dark, ominous and downright sketchy the 'public' spot is. Atleast it's not something that either Kiki and I wanted to witness. It burned my retnas. But it was my first time there so I was trying to embrace the culture of it all. Post embrace dictated a shower. Seriously, it was like seeing everyone that ever tried out for the Surreal Life in one room. In fact, I ran into Dave last night. There is no shock in this statement. Dave and I went to school during the escalation of the WOOHOO years. Dave slept with a lot of women. For the record, I never slept with Dave. We were friends and the 'No Sex with Friends' rule was firmly in place. He slept with a lot of his sisters friends, but the 'No Sex with Sister's Friends' was more of a correlation to the above rule that never really got off the ground. Probably because there were few people that could get off their backs when Dave was out and about. But last night I saw Dave. And what made it entirely perfect was that 1) he told me I looked hot 2) questioned whether or not the 'No Sex with Friends' rule still held true five years later (FYI: It does) and 3) Dave was STILL using the same pick-up lines and still getting cougars and sister's friends. It's like he's unstoppable. But really, Dave's a good guy - handsome, funny, really quite endearing, and still wondering, in his words "why can't I just find a good girl?" Probably because you slept with all their skanky sisters, Dave. It's a no-brainer.
I lasted about a half an hour. I wasn't drinking, and even if I had been, I don't think that there would have been enough alcohol to sustain an entire evening there. You know when you think of something and you get full body chills? Yeah, it's kind of like that.
But that wasn't the entire night. I had a long talk to PC somewhere around 2am. I haven't sorted that one out quite enough to talk about it yet. Don't worry, I will. For now the pressing concern is that Kiki made it out alive last night!?!?!?
KIKI!! TALK TO ME!!!
Every person has free choice. Free to obey or disobey the Natural Laws. Your choice determines the consequences. Nobody ever did, or ever will, escape the consequences of his choices. ~Alfred A. Montapert~