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17 September 2005

In need of some rest

I remember being tired the second week of December, 2001. I had just come off an 11 day shift from the north coast and endured a 2.5 hr float plane ride through headwinds and a snowstorm. At one moment we did a 750 foot vertical drop. Just dropped. Hit an air-pocket. I remember that not one of our four passengers spoke. I was the only woman and fear had no consideration of your physical sex. We were just four scared little humans. My belly still flips at the thought of it. I felt really mortal.

I remember being really pooped in April of 2002. I was nearing the finish of setting up Wolf Creek. The second week of May, I logged 97 hours in that one week. But I met the deadline. Strange. In looking back, that deadline really doesn't mean jack to me. I probably should have been more thankful since my job there led to subsequent job offers - a manager's position in Whitehorse with an international company - where they informed me that over 300 people had applied, the majority of whom were men with atleast 15 years experience on me. They narrowed it down to three. Then they offered it to me. But I turned it down. I was too tired. An outfit out of Iceland contacted me. They knew I was from a small town and knew my last name. The manager called directory assistance and got all the people with the same last name and dialed until they found my uncle. And they offered me a job. The facility was the only one of its kind in North America and I was to go in with ground breaking work. But I turned it down. I was too tired.

I got really tired of being too tired. If the only thing that I seem to recall out of it all is the state of my physical self, well, then it probably wasn't worth quite as much as I put into it. It was worth a lot, don't get me wrong, it just wasn't worth all of me.

Last night I was tired and tonight I still am. But I guess the difference is that I soaked my feet and took a break. I turned off the phones and didn't feel like I had to go get something done that, really, could wait until tomorrow. So here I sit, sleepy, but manageable and aware that it's important not to give myself away, because after awhile, I'm no good to anyone. Least of all to the ones who matter. I'm pleased to make note that I am in that "people who matter" pile. It just seemed to take a long time in getting my name listed. It's been 1 hour and 52 minutes since I last said a word. And it has been lovely.

When you become quiet, it just dawns on you.
Thomas A. Edison (1847-1931)

1 comment:

Potor said...

Gee, thanks. Now I'm tired. :-P