I had a moment like this just tonight, late in the evening, and it was mixed with bitter-sweet. Sometimes I push away in anger and frustration, but then, such as tonight, I want to hold tight and fight the demons that are not mine. And whisper "it's ok. just let go. i'll keep you safe." How silly to think that I could conquer the world that is outside of my own. But how perfect it would be.
We all make our choices. We chose to be angry, chose to be strong. Fearful. Fearless. But why do all these choices that we are so free to make seem so inconsequential in these moments that lay our insides bare? I suppose these are the mysteries of life. I suppose that this is what life is, what it's about. I suppose.
I'm tossing back and forth in a tug of war between bitterness and thanks. Deep down I know that thanks will win... but these moments can just be tough to forget.
You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing and dance, and write poems, and suffer; and understand, for all that is life.