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05 July 2006

I love moments of clarity. Where you stop and go YES! I get it! I understand! I'm not an idiot! And then all of a sudden you go quiet and dart your eyes from side to side and silently think "oh fuck. Was I totally the only one who didn't get this??". And then someone near and dear jumps in to hastily reaffirm, Yep! Sure were.

To be perfectly honest, I'm still troubled over my assignment. Not that I'm having difficulty recollecting my moments of self discovery or whatnot, but definatly struggling with how to put them down in a tangible way to a canvas of looseleaf from the view in my head. It's daunting.

God bless you Bridget for thinking that I have it together. I don't. I just think that I'm made of rubber. Evertime I fly apart at the seams, I just snap back into place, a little more stretched in a few pertinent places, but still somewhat attached. Reality actually says that I spend more time in front of the mirror, my left hand forcibly holding back my bangs on my forhead, looking myself in the eye and saying "Andrea, you can't be fucking serious." It's a rhetorical question. We like circular conversations, me and the mirror. I just can't help but look around me and think where has all this come from? What have I done to accumulate, or lose, or throw away or refurbish? How have I missed points B through I, when I only really remember A and arriving at J?

I have a notepad that says "just for today, be happy". I would say that's fairly sound advice, because no matter where the points in between got to, here I stand.

1 comment:

Bridget said...

Dear god, woman, I love you to pieces.

On getting it down. It will sort itself out. Just sit down and start writing. Let it fly and you'll be surprised at what transpires.

Hugs. You can do it!