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19 September 2006

It's been a good day and the evening is progressing nicely. I didn't get near accomplished what I had intended or hoped, but I suppose all is not loss since one foot is still moving in front of the other. My aunt and I had an interesting conversation last night which left me with much food for thought today. She just turned 68 in June and you could very easily place her in her late 50's / early 60's. She's stunningly beautiful and more days than not, I fully believe that she will live forever. She too is a bit of a which doctor and relies on various flowers in the forms of oil, mixed with other various vinegars, and uses rosewater for sunscreen. She randomly takes off to countries which probably aren't the most safe for a woman of her age to be travelling in, as was her recent sojourn to Israel. But she gives me a silly look that scrunches her forehead and says now Andrea, what good is it going to do me or anyone around me if I slow down and don't do what I like? I had to agree. I think she sleeps in Tupperware because she really is ageless and timeless. Anyways, back to our conversation last night. Out of the blue she said Andrea, are you pregnant? I wasn't entirely certain where this had come from, since it was our first real conversation that didn't involve phone tag since I arrived back in the province. So I figured a direct question deserved a direct answer. I'm not sure.

And then she said something that caught me off guard. Talk to your baby and don't be afraid. Whatever will happen will happen. But I'm really not sure that I may be in the family way *insert eye roll*. It doesn't matter she said. Talk to your body and your body will listen. Robert Redford was the Horse Whisperer. My Aunt Clara is the Body Talker.

As I have shared before, my family is not normal. Not freaky, holy-is-that-allowed-in-public kind of bizarre, but a real mix of... individuals. They broke the mold after us. On both sides of the gene pool. We're not a lot of trifle with minor aches or pains, or even really large catastrophes. You take what you're dealt and either make it work for you, or change something so that it comes together. My aunt is a strong Christian lady who has had a vibrant road to redemption. She sits in her chair, reading her bible and communing with God on a hourly and daily basis. She is being His friend and asking Him questions. That's always intrigued me. She doesn't just accept anything as anything. She seeks the meat of it, not the gristle. I've always been impressed by that because for a long time I never got passed gristle.

I had dinner with mom and dad tonight. Dad had finished getting the wood for winter and he was pooped. When we sat down at the table, mom asked him if he wanted to pray and he said no. He was too tired. And I was hit by the two dichotamies that were present in my father's life. His sister did as she pleased and chatted with God. Dad had been faithful and quiet, always listening and never questioning. And he was too tired to talk anymore.

My heart hurt for him because I understood where he was standing. It's a hard thing to lay down your life in what you believe to know as truth to only find that it leaves you tired. I often find myself wondering if God is waiting until we're all mad, having completely lost our minds in return for a salvation that is leaving us exhausted here on earth.

I talked to my body last night before I went to bed and found myself doing it throughout the day. We may actually come to an agreement on something, acknowledging that we'll take whatever comes. I hugged my dad for a long time because I think it was one of those days where the only time he wasn't falling down was when he was getting up. I believe God and His grace... I'm just questioning the magnitude of the cost.

'Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed' was the ninth beatitude.

Alexander Pope

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