"Be mysterious, I told myself. I'd been going after that laughing-on-the-outside, crying-on-the-inside look for a while. It all had to do with the eyes and the mouth and certain pauses in your speech. It's kind of tragic and romantic. I wasn't very good at it but I liked the bullshit bravado of it, you know, the effort of trying to cover something up and show it at the same time."