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01 January 2007

Christmas has come and gone and now it's already a year later. I've not quite wrapped my head around the fact that it is a new year. 2007. It startles me to think about where the time has gotten to when it was littered with days that I thought would never end. So here I sit in my new flannel jammies that have become my staple wardrobe, finishing yet another cup of coffee and contemplating the relative quietness that this coming year has entered in. Perhaps my lesson this year will be to understand that I can't plan the end and not plan the means. Perhaps. Interestingly enough I'm not worried about what the year will bring. We were at my aunt's a few days ago and as I was talking to my cousin he said you look happy. Content. It was so simple but I hadn't really thought about it. I am I said. I really am. I want to wonder if I am wiser, craftier, more self-assured, or maybe just more disillusioned. I want to question new levels of the old things I held dear. I want to want these untangible things but can't quite seem to find the energy. I wonder if I may have stumbled on the secret of life and then I stop to wonder if there really is a secret at all. Grampie says he puts in a garden because it is a great thing to see something grow, that it's satisfying to wake up in the morning to check on your work from the day before. And maybe that's it. Maybe it's about me growing into myself and everything around me. Maybe it's not about bright lights and fan-fare. Maybe it's waking up in the morning to see what has grown, even a little bit, from my work from the day before. Maybe it's about simple satisfaction that grows and spreads into little corners that I thought I couldn't reach.

I have ten more days before I leave. Another move to another town. But there's a difference this time - it's a running to instead of a running away. Maybe that's the miracle that last year brought, the new adventure. Funny how I spent so many years before thinking that I had missed my only chance. Funny how it ends up not being left to chance at all. There was no ring on my finger this time, and to be perfectly honest I'm not worried or concerned. He informed me that that would be a special day all to itself and left it at that so I will too.

Say yes to life.



Smarts said...

"Perhaps my lesson this year will be to understand that I can't plan the end and not plan the means."

You put this beautiful. Many are brought up this way, our schooling has come late and at times with great cost. Admittedly, part of me misses that seat of my pants - my crazy flying carpet that honestly did transport me and transform me to places I would never have dared to go by planning. I know this has been true for you also.

To everything there is a time. To plant and grow and harvest. There is nothing wrong with keeping some soil for wild flowers - and when they get too out of control, cut the motherfuckers down(!)

You and me - we will always desire freedom. Keep a corner of that carpet in your pants pocket.

love to you this new year.

Gia said...

I'm looking forward to reading your Great White North adventures these next 9 months.



Potor said...

Happy New Year to you and all yours.

Bridget said...

Happy New Year! I can't wait to see you out here in the wild west. Something tells me you'll be incredibly happy and just plain incredulous about how freaking cold it gets. Safe travels, my friend.