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12 April 2007

Two posts in one day. I forget what that feels like and that makes me sad. You have to understand just how big of a pain in the ass it is to dig out my laptop, set it on the kitchen table, unplug the phone, and wait for Telus to kick in. Ok, so I'm lazy too.

I suppose I'm just a bit meloncholy tonight. I was checking out pictures of a girl's bachlorette party... a girl who used to hold a very special place in my heart, but one I've lost touch with over the years of moves and transition. She looked wonderful in them - content and beautiful, just as she always had. And I couldn't help but think about how she was doing everything "right" and "in order"... that is, if there is a rightness or an order to anything in life. And while I am not unhappy with my status in life (because I have gotten exactly as I have chosen), I can't help but squash the desire to ask did I do it right? Did I catch the right train? Have I played it too safely? Or probably more appropriately, have I played it too rough.

And while I can go on and on and on, listening to myself drone on in my own ears, I can't ignore this small fire in me that has never gone out. It has kept me warm. It has helped me write many adventures. And really, it's become an intregal part of well, me.

The other day I watched my sister pick up pennies and dimes on a supermarket floor. And while 97% of me wanted to say I'll wait for you in the car, the other part of me (3%) admired her for listening to herself. I'm not saying I didn't think she was weird (because 97% of me sure did), but there was still this strange contentedness in finding her own proverbial way. But maybe that's the kicker for me, the key, the one piece that makes it make sense. I worry that I may lose my sense of adventure but then I realize that I'm just no longer travelling alone. And I really never expected that to happen. And just maybe that's what's the real deal. I am satisfied. And finally it's a statement.

"It is only in adventure that some people succeed in knowing themselves - in finding themselves."

Andre Gide, writer, humanist, and moralist


Bridget said...

Oh my God, are you ever awesome.

Look, here's the thing. You're having your adventures, and the order you put them in is the order they are supposed to be in for YOU.

As for not travelling alone, and how to continue to find adventure when your arms are full and your eyes are heavy for want of sleep, I think you'll find you manage just fine.

Big huge hugs. XOX

Smarts said...

I'm with Bridget.

I'm also totally cool with being weird. Weird.

Whatever the path, that is the adventure. Even when it seems shitty, that is and we question everything... that too is adventure. Everything is one.


bloggomatique said...

I think if you were ever travelling alone it was because you chose to do so.