I've learned that if you ever want to doubt all the abilities you once thought you had, have a child.
I've learned that if you want to second guess anything you were ever certain about, have a child.
I've learned that if you want to teeter on the edge of exhaustion from lack of sleep, have a child.
but most importantly...
I've learned that if you ever want your heart to swell to the point of bursting with love for a tiny little creature that needs you for everything, have a child.
My life is so full I am speechless. I am moved to tears with the blessings I hold. I am overwhelmed by just how good it all is. I am more satisfied than I thought possible. And so much of what I held so dear for so long seems so .... wasteful.... so without thought or reason or priority. So much of what I hold now is about life, about breathing in and out and finding nourishment, about saying prayers and really believe they will be answered because if they're not the consequences will cause me to die. And it's all because now my heart is on the outside and she had blue eyes and loves to suck her fingers. And that's what's really important now. And I fell in love all over again with her dad because he is as much of her as I am, and when we look at her it's so clear as to why we work so well as a team.
Her name is Ava Amelia Ione and she was born 11 days early on September 10 at 6:37am. We had hard and heavy labour and I would do it for her a thousand times over. She weighed 7 lbs 4 oz and as far as I'm concerned, she is the most perfect creature I could ever have fathomed to have. I am exhausted, over the moon, near tears at any given moment, and more in love than I have ever dreamt possible.
Life is good.
If I know what love is, it is because of you.