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11 January 2008

I just checked on the baby and now it's my turn to go to bed. I'm exhausted. It's been a big couple of days and my body is ready not just for sleep, but for some actual rest. Somehow it seems that key ingredient has been missing.

For now the skinny is that my pap test was telling the truth and that all my bad cells were present and accounted for. They did a biopsy and then took the top layer of my cercix off, which could be placed into the same class as a dentist hitting a nerve when you were certain that you were entirely frozen. Only I wasn't frozen so it pretty much just sucked. So for now I wait. If treatment is needd I find out in a few weeks, if not, then I'll hear back in 3-4 months. So here I am, sitting and waiting and understanding that patience can be confused with exhaustion.

Mom and I were wandering around Walmart yesterday after everything was said and done. Being a new mom myself, I think I finally understand how hard it is when something happens to your kid and you just want to take it all on yourself, away from them. She looked at me out of the blue and said you know kid it's a good year to get married in. I said yeah? why's that? she said because 8 was the number of new beginnings and that's what 2008 was looking like for me. Funny how something so little can make you feel good all over. She made a not great day really good. But mom's are meant to do that... even without looking.

"Everywhere, we learn only from those whom we love."

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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