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05 January 2008

You know, for someone who's lived alone for the majority of their adult life, I have to confess that I'm not entirely wild about it anymore. It's funny, you fight and chew and get mad at stupid things and can't wait to have quiet time that no one interupts because no one is around. But then all of a sudden that much anticipated quiet time isn't all it's cracked up to be and only gives you enough time to wonder why in the hell you said such stupid stuff to begin with. Kind of like trying to argue that the great pyramids are made out of popsicle sticks. Stupid.

Ava and I spent our first night alone together since the day she was born in the hospital. We both seemed to have a tough time settling down and all I can figure is that we missed her dad. A lot. I miss a strong arm over me when I drift off to sleep. I miss having to sleep alone because someone was snoring too loudly, not because they were far away. I kept the tv on alot today and talked about nothing important, answering myself when need be, encouraging the baby to take over.

Peter proposed to me Christmas Eve. He said that he knew he didn't tell me that he loved me enough, but he did. And then he said that he would be so proud if I would be his wife. And when his eyes welled up and his hand shook as he presented me with the most beautiful diamond, there was a moment of shear terror in his eyes that I could possibly say no. And of course I said yes because I had a long time ago, before he even knew he would marry me. And I stood up and we just held each other for a long time, really tight, not wanting to let go. And all of a sudden even the stupid little things made perfect sense and I looked at a man whom I chose to look at for the rest of our lives. And it's nice to know that we're getting married for the marriage, not for the wedding. We'll still bicker and chew and say dumb shit, but that happens. We make our peace and move along. It's quite something to wrap your head around. I'm not even sure that I'm all the way there yet, other than I know that it's where I want to be.

The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning.

Ivy Baker Priest

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