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14 February 2008

Another Valentine's day over for another year. I suppose I could be a bit more emotional about it if I gave a particular rat's ass over it. Peter was concerned about me not getting his card today. I said my card? what for? Valentine's day dear. Oh yeah, I suppose it is. Ok if I just wait to bring yours with me? that's fine. good good.

Here on the east coast we're having a very old fashioned winter. If Ava were old enough to appreciate a good snowbank to play on / break a leg off of, she would be in her glory because they're about 12ft out back. In fact I helped my soon-to-be father in law shovel off my roof... and I jumped off... and went about 2 1/2 whole feet in straight, downward vertical. We had another big storm yesterday that finished off with freezing rain and enough to be more than a little bit of a mess. Local schools were closed for two days and even the university, the hallowed halls of UNB decided to close yesterday at noon and reopen today at the same time.

Tonight my daughter is at her grandparents. I needed time to get things done and she went for a sleep over. I was in hopes of getting to bed early and sleeping late since I seem to have a lack-of-sleep induced headache that has lasted for several days. But not-shockingly here I am, five minutes to 1am, downloading music, drinking wine and enjoying a little stevie wonder. He just called to say he loved me. And he means it from the bottom of his heart. Kind of a nice way to round out the day.

Things are good. Life is puttering away day by day, minute by minute, and I'm doing my best to make the best of each one. I can tell spring is on its way because I'm feeling antsy for a change, which, for anyone that knows me, is not a big shocker. But this time it's a different kind... a subtle one... the kind where you just want to wear something light and airy rather than something heavy and dark. Where I'm inspired to paint things yellow and plant flowers. It's not about upheavel or turning things on their side. It's like I've finally arrived... finally made it to that second chance, and here I am, just wanting to make the best of it. It leaves me feeling weightless, likes this big unburdening happened and I didn't even know it until I could lift my arms over my head and spin in circles without getting dizzy. It's the closest I've ever gotten to a straight line, lacking nothing, having everything. And none of which I ever imagined. It is not a bitter winter.

Peter got mad the other day and quit his job, but bless his heart he's still there, putting in the days until something comes along. His patience seems to be paying off because jobs are coming through. He asked me what I thought about moving to Calgary and I said that would be fine. I'll happily take any opportunity that lands us in the same time zone. Even better in the same city and house.

I have my msn messenger up. I rarely chat on it but there's something strangely satisfying when I put up my status as "out to lunch". Regardless of day or not, somehow it just seems to make sense. All strung out and a-ok. it's not a bad place to be.

This is a picture of me from about 10 years ago. Mom and I were whale watching off the northern tip of Vancouver Island that summer she came to visit. My hair's not as long anymore and my body has changed, but I can't help but know that the second picture is me all fulfilled.

Wherever a man may happen to turn, whatever a man may undertake, he will always end up by returning to the path which nature has marked out for him.


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