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01 February 2008

Believe it or not, I spent the majority of my Sociology of Education class yesterday afternoon thinking about sex. I thought about positions and ideas and the general mechanics of it. I thought about what I could wear (and not), and things I could do that where both typical and wonderfully dirty. And I really wanted it. But I still had 45 minutes left of class and Peter was (and still is) 3,000 miles west. And not surprisingly he's never very happy with the idea of me having sex with someone other than him. Which I can appreciate.

On less physical fronts, I'm in absolute shock that we are solidly into February. The school term is slipping away too quickly and I wonder where I will find the time to accomplish all that needs done. But as history has dictated, time will pass, things will get accomplished, and everything with any relavence and importance will get done.

I really don't have much of anything exciting to tell. No great tales of adventure or woe. Ava is officially rolling over and is cultivating a great belly laugh. She loves sweet potatoes and peas and loves to hold her toes as she perfects loud farts. They roll out of her in true beer-drinker fashion. Her daddy would be proud. Speaking of her dad, we leave to see him in 3 weeks from tonight and the timing is perfect. We are in need of a break, he needs to see his girls, and from my opening paragraph it's obvious that I apparently need to have sex.

I had lunch with an old friend a couple of weeks ago Friday. It was her due date and she looked just about ready to pop, but at the same time looked so so good. A lot has gone on in her life the past three years and for the first time in probably 10 years, she looks so peaceful. We talked about a lot of things... her need for attention.... my need to always be moving and searching... and then we talked about how that has changed, and how thankful we both were for that change. I told her that should would soon understand her mother's position in her life and that she would make sense in the areas she could never make sense of before. Atleast that's how it was with me. Funny how kids bring out such things in you... things you always kept closed... locked with forgotten keys. And how thankful they all make you in humbled ways. She just gave birth last week to a beautiful little girl and suddenly understands that those sleepless nights and crying in the form of this tiny creature that requires so much but can withstand just as equally, can bring a rest that was unknown before. It's quite a thing to go from kid to parent.

Speaking of parents, mom came up the other weekend for a visit. She's been having a tough go of things and needed an ear with no great voice attached to it. She needed to lean instead of standing tall and I was honored that she chose me. We talked and laughed and had a good cry and I reminded her of everything she was so good at and agreed with everything she was right about. I've had my kid and I get my mom now. Funny how always get more than you bargained for. I went to grampie's later that afternoon and he made me supper. My 88 year old grandfather made me supper, played with my daughter, and cut me a big piece of his homemade spice cake. He said the packaged stuff's not the same and if he's going to eat it than he'll damn well make it himself. And it was good and I went back for seconds. I told him he wasn't good for my diet and he told me I was foolish. He told me I was a good mother who didn't lay around and had a good kid who you could tell was loved. He also told me about have a big station wagon that he could put all of his own 9 kids in plus the neighbour's 3. He said that they wouldn't be all the way out to the main road before every one of them would be sound asleep.... but that they would wake up as soon as it was time for icecream. And his eyes sparkled and he reminded me of my mom because behind a very big no shit attitude was a heart that bulged out of everywhere. And I was very acutely reminded that I come from good stock where family is important and it extends past your own immediate realm. And how important it was to sit still and enjoy some tea. And I guess that's what it was about when I had lunch with my friend. We discovered just how satisfying it was to sit still and drink some tea. It makes you slow down for a time and take in your life.

Peter called last night and informed me that he "threw a bad one" at work, which is slang for "I freaked out". And I told him I was proud of him, he puts up with too much all the time and he has no idea how to do anything half-assed. But I suppose he wouldn't be him if he didn't. Anyways, he has put in his notice and we will be in Edmonton soon. I'll finish my degrees at the U of A and finally we'll be together on permanent footing. For now that's enough.

Ava will be 5 months old on Sunday. This was her last Friday. She's pretty darn cute and completely full of it. I'd like to think she comes by it honestly.



A good heart is better than all the heads in the world.
Edward Bulwer-Lytton

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