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19 March 2008

I think that today was one of the best days I have ever had. Today I clad my daughter in a dress for the very first time of her very young life, decked myself out in a skirt, and went to the library for an easter egg hunt. We watched a puppet show, played with kids of all ages, hunted, chatted, and had, well, fun. I nearly cried tonight when I got home because all I wanted to do was be a mom, and how sad it was that this was our first time "out", just the two of us, doing the most important things that the two of us need to be doing together. I didn't worry or care about degrees no matter how close they were to being done, or work, or assignments, or all those silly things that I allow to demand too much of my attention. Today I dressed up my kid and together we sought out the elusive Bunny. Today we were a team... a mom and a kid... and we got it. I think that after six months and a moment to slow down that I finally got it. I finally got what was supposed to be front and center.... and that very thing is teething right now.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about doing what you were built to do, versus what you were meant to do. I've been thinking that I've been built well... sturdy, good sense of humour, relatively strong intelligence... to do a lot of things. I'm capable of attempting a good chunk of things and seeing them through. But it's the second part that's been changing... the meant to be part. So I've been giving myself time to think about it. We were away for 2 weeks and had moments to just be... to sit still and collect dust and not create whirlwinds... to make supper and just lay on the floor to goof off. We sat in the sun in the window and we remembered how much we needed that. I understood a lot of what I didn't know I didn't understand.
This is Ava and I this afternoon. I don't like how I look, but the lesson of the day says something else entirely. It says that I'm needed as a mom, not a beauty queen. And that the best moments seem silly until you do them... and then you wonder why you don't do them more.

If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much.

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

1 comment:

Potor said...