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17 April 2008

Once again time has snuck away... atleast this time it has been into warmer days with a little less snow each afternoon. We have managed to get out walking almost everyday, and the day's we seemed stuck in the house we turned up the music really loud, proceeding to dance and sing without any particular care or reservation. Needless to say, inside or out, the days have been wonderful. My semester has officially ended and I write my final exam tomorrow night at 7pm. After that I'm intending to drink to excess and dance my ass off. Peter lands next Friday night at 8:10p and will be home for 9 days. We have things to do and things not to do... I'm more looking forward to the latter. I'm hoping it includes an all-day naked day. We really enjoy those.

I still can't believe that April is half finished. And I know - I've said it for every bloody month of this winter season, but it still hasn't taken away the shock, or awe, of it. Ava was 7 months old on the 10th and officially has 2 teeth through and more about to arrive any day. Sunday night we went to Grampie's for a visit and he remarked that she had outnumbered him in the chomper department. Needless to say, he makes everything not-too-crunchy so Ava thoroughly enjoyed a rather large portion of his fresh homemade apple pie. She's sitting up by herself and everywhere she goes in her walker is at a dead run. Not only will she get there, she'll get there fast and take quick corners! Her father is very proud of her.

The last month has been busy, big, and generally all around thoughtful. There were numerous times I had gone to sit down and write it out in hopes of sorting it out, but I'm sure, as most at this age and stage in our lives, time doesn't always allow such indulgences. But it's been good. It's been a big learning curve, and granted I haven't gotten it right all the time, I am pleased to see that we did a little better than just making it through. We've enjoyed ourselves, taken stock of our blunders with both tears and laughs, and kept on keepin' on. We've done alright. We've taken a look at the big picture and tried to keep that in focus... not necessarily blurring out the minute details, but keeping in mind that they're not all that's out there. My sister gave me a Patty Smyth cd about a hundred years ago. Song #5 is called Out There and it's always been one of my favourites, kind of like it was my unknown theme song about looking and searching for something you can't taste or touch or see. Somehow it's all come full circle, as most things do, and I think I can understand it a different way, in a new light. It's all right here and that's a pretty big deal to come to.

Someone said that they were glad that the winter was over and that life could begin again, that they were tired of seeing everything as dead. I thought about that for a long time, and granted it was a long winter. But I didn't see everything as dead... I saw it as resting, of taking a break, pulling it together for the upcoming season of growing and change, of stretching and digging a little deeper. It was like the long cold winter tried to ingrain into us about how important it was to enjoy the heat of the sunshine when it eventually arrived. We've been doing a lot of wedding stuff and we had to choose the song for the first dance. We chose Broken Road by Rascal Flatts. Neither one of us are particularly big country buffs, but we liked what it said. It made sense in the same way a long winter does... that you have to sort through a lot of things and endure some nasty weather, but eventually spring comes with sunshine. And somewhere, through all the muck and muddle of life and its seasons we find someone that suits us atleast 50% of the time. The other 50% makes those allowances for growing and changing and understanding that not once are we ever the same people but that we'll keep on working on what we started and see where it leads. We never build a house that's 100% basement or foundation because then we would have no character. We have to leave room for building on, tearing down, and opening up a wall or two. Besides how arrogant am I to expect perfection when I can't even come close to giving it myself?

I had an aunt on my grandmother's side named Mable, but we knew her as Mape. Mape wore sparkley things with purple coats and hats with at the very least, one large dramatic feather. She wasn't a large woman, but I think she was the inspiration for the the Red Hat Society. For as long as I could remember my dad always called me "Little Mape" because I would emerge from a closet adorned in scarves, heels, and anything that would catch even a little bit of light. I bought Ava a hat a couple of weeks ago on a website called Dad informed me that I was passing on the "Mape" tradition. I said that was good because not just anyone could pull it off.

I set out on a narrow way many years ago

Hoping I would find true love along the broken road

But I got lost a time or two

Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you

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